can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize