Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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