We won't sleep together?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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