So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
