So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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