Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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