I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
