His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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