me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
