In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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