i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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