She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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