I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
