Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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