i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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