yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i came on her dog
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
