she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
