I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
