I think I won the penis lottery.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
