I murdered the dance floor call the cops
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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