My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
