so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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