I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hippo gnu deer
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
