it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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