Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
