the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Come share oat with me in your robe
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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