dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
