I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
