My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
