i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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