This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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