Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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