I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
