Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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