I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
