I looked at my own cervix.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
