Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i believe in u and ur pee
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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