You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
