i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
