...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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