Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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