Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
