Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
