I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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