You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
