You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
