Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
