Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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