there's paper in my vomit.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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