she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
