I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
