the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
