But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
