my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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