Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
