dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize