why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize