My room smells like vodka and shame
there was a trapeze. enough said
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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