could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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