I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
