I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
