feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
