Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I forget how to act sober
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