Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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