coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
