Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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