I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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