My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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