You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
