and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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