airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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