I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
