God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
