Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
